Funny Joke over Text in English that are Actually Hilarious

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Funny Joke over Text in English that are Actually Hilarious

Funny Joke over Text in English that are Actually Hilarious

Funny Joke over Text:

  • Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
  • What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A b*tch who knows everything.
  • 2Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • Q: What do you get when you put three ducks in a box? A: A box of quackers.
  • Half the people you know are below average.
  • I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
  • Why be difficult – Be impossible.
  • Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
  • If the music’s too loud you’re too old.
  • Three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
  • I am nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.
  • We hate others for imitating us – We are irritated by their attitude.
  • I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.
  • Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level, and then beat you with experience.
  • We strongly encourage our users, to rate the jokes that they have an opinion on, so that readers can find the funniest jokes quicker. The following is our top rated joke out of our entire database of jokes, so please enjoy!
  • What did the lawyer name his daughter? A. Sue.
  • Before going in for surgery I thought it would be funny if I posted a note on myself telling the surgeon to be careful. After the surgery I found another note on myself.”Anyone know where my cell phone is????????”
  • 2 Guys Were Following to Girls Both Girls Took Rakhi & Tied To Their Hands. 1st Guy To Second-What Will We Do Now? 2nd Guy-You Marry My Sis, I Will Marry your Sis.
  • Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together? A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
  • Promise me we are true friends I am lamp you are light I am Coke you are Sprite I am Sawan you are badal I am Normal you are Pagal I am Water you are Tanki I am Tarzan you are Monkey
  • Friend’s r like fishes. You have to sit patiently for a long time to catch a good one. Just like I caught you. So better stay nice otherwise I will FRY YOU
  • After engagement! Girl: Now stop looking at girls are committed now! Boy: Oho what do you mean, if I am on diet, that doesn’t mean that I can’t look at MENU. .
  • Style of break up: Boy bought gift for His Girl friend- GF:Wat the hell would I do with this rocket? Boy: you wanted stars na? Now sit on it and GET LOST.
  • Doctor to sardar : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
    Sardar : Yes. A good doctor.
  • Sardarji to others: Did anyone lose money wrapped in a rubber band? One said, Yes I did
    Sardar: Well, it’s your lucky day, I found the rubberband!
  • Teacher :- Who is Mahatma Gandhi? Student:- He is the one who helped Munna Bhai to impress his girlfriend!
  • Bubbly got caught on date on Independence day. Major Rohail- What is this? Bubbli- Dad today is freedom day, so let me do what I want
  • A Thermometer is n0t the 0nly thing that gets a “DEGREE” without having a BRAIN”…!
  • An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much That Her Husband Can’t Afford Another Woman”.
  • Husband was seriously ill. Doc to wife :- Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood, don’t discuss your problems, no tv serial, don’t demand new clothes & gold jewels, Do this for 1 year & he will be ok.
  • On the way home. Husband: – what did the doc say? Wife :- .No chance for u to survive
  • Catch her by her waist… Bring her home.. Keep ur hand on her neck Put ur lips on her lips & have a … …nice drink…PEPSI
  • Do u know similarity
    between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls?
    Both don’t exist.
  • Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? A: We don’t know. Never happens.
  • Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday? Son: Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.
  • The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
  • Don’t take life too seriously; no-one gets out alive.
  • It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.
  • The longest sentence known to man: “I do.”
  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
  • I had amnesia once – maybe twice.
  • All I ask is a chance to prove money can’t make me happy.
  • The universe is a figment of its own imagination.
  • I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
  • Is there another word for synonym?
  • Why don’t men often show their true feelings? – Because they don’t have any.
  • Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A: About 45 pounds!!
  • Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering
  • ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
  • Q: What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws? A: Outlaws are wanted.
  • Time is a marvelous healer but is a complete failure as a beautician.
  • When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s £1.50 per minute.
  • Never let a man’s mind wander, it’s too little to be out on its own.
  • Son asks diff btw Confidence and Confidential
  • Dad says, u are my son, I am Confident.
  • Your friend is also my son, thats Confidential
  • I’ve used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.
  • I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.

Funny Joke over Text in English that are Actually Hilarious 1

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Updated: November 28, 2016 — 1:28 am | love sms, Fun SMS, Funny Jokes & life quotes © 2017